Why I Stopped Seeking Validation from Other Parents
You’ve probably heard of the “let them” theory. It’s been making the rounds online—let them cancel, let them flake, let them act how they want. And while I love that idea, I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. I don’t want to just let people do whatever. I want to take it further.
Because I’ve realized something big: I need to stop seeking validation—especially from people who don’t understand or support my choices.
As a homeschooling mom, as a woman in her 40s, and as someone who’s not living life by the mainstream playbook, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to justify what I’m doing. But somewhere along the way, I stopped. I stopped apologizing. I stopped explaining. I stopped waiting for someone else to approve my life. And it has been the most freeing thing I’ve ever done.
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Not Everyone Deserves a Voice in Your Life
Before you take someone’s criticism to heart, pause and ask yourself: Would I trade places with them? Would I go to them for advice? Do I admire how they live?
If the answer is no, then they don’t get a say in how you live. That includes other parents, extended family, internet strangers, even well-meaning friends. Just because someone feels entitled to offer a comment doesn’t mean you have to receive it.
And if someone wasn’t in the room when you made the decision? They don’t get to be in your head afterward either.
You Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation
Let’s be honest—especially as women, we’re trained to be polite. To not rock the boat. To absorb criticism quietly. But you don’t owe anyone an explanation for doing what’s right for you.
You don’t have to tolerate negativity, even if it’s wrapped in concern.
You don’t have to justify your choices to people who would never choose the life you’re living.
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
Boundaries Are Not Rude
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you cold or unkind. It makes you aware. Aware that your time, your energy, and your emotional well-being are not up for grabs.
You can be warm and kind and still say: “No, I’m not taking that on.”
It doesn’t matter if the criticism is subtle or overt. It doesn’t matter if it comes from your Aunt Sue or a fellow homeschooler who thinks your curriculum is too rigid, too relaxed, not secular enough, too secular, or anything in between.
If it doesn’t serve you, you don’t have to take it in.
Their Feelings Are Valid, But Their Behavior Isn’t Always
One of the best things I read recently said this: All feelings are valid, but not all behaviors are acceptable. That hit me hard. Someone might be coming from a place of insecurity, jealousy, or even fear—but if that comes out as judgment or cruelty? That’s a boundary.
Feelings are internal. But behavior is how those feelings show up in the world. And behavior can be inappropriate, even when the feelings are real.
What You’re Doing Matters
You are doing big things. Important things. You’re showing up for your family, your children, your values, and your beliefs—even when it’s hard. And that is enough.
You don’t need to seek approval from anyone else to know that what you’re doing is meaningful.
Sometimes, we crave outside validation because we’re tired, overwhelmed, or just trying to make sure we’re not messing it all up. That’s human. But let me say this loud and clear: you are enough.
You’re allowed to feel proud of yourself without needing someone else to say it.
Model the Confidence You Want Your Kids to Have
One of the most powerful things we can do as parents is to model self-assurance. To show our kids what it looks like to know who you are and to live like it. I tell my kids often—even I don’t get to decide their truth. My job is to support them, not mold them.
So why would I let someone else mold me?
We are not responsible for living up to someone else’s idea of a good parent, good homeschooler, or good human. We are responsible for showing up authentically, consistently, and kindly. That’s it.
You Don’t Need Permission
You don’t need a stamp of approval. You don’t need a gold star. You don’t need to wait for someone else to tell you it’s okay to live your truth.
But in case no one has told you lately: you’re doing an amazing job. I see you. I’m rooting for you. And I believe that the more we stop seeking validation, the more space we create for peace, joy, and self-trust.
Let’s Keep It Real
We all have stories of people who’ve said the absolute most unnecessary thing at the worst possible time. Maybe it was a neighbor commenting on your child’s education. Maybe it was a family member questioning your lifestyle. Maybe it was someone online making assumptions.
You don’t have to absorb that.
Feel free to share your best “unsolicited opinion” moment in the comments—just for fun, for release, for solidarity. Let’s laugh about it and move on, together.
Because moving forward? We’re done explaining ourselves.
We are no longer asking.
We’re not letting them.
We are living fully and freely—without needing permission.
