How I Handle Homeschool Haters, Internet Trolls, and Hateful Comments

There are some things you know will happen when you share your life on the internet.

People will disagree with you.

People will misunderstand you.

Someone will occasionally leave a comment that makes you wonder if they watched the same video you made.

And every once in a while, someone will confidently construct an entire psychological profile of you based on approximately three minutes of content.

Apparently, I recently met one of those people.

I got a hateful comment on one of my homeschool videos.

And honestly?

I thought it was hilarious.

Now, before we go any further, I want to say something important: I know that hateful comments can genuinely hurt. Online bullying is real. Cruelty is real. And sometimes criticism lands differently depending on where you are in life.

But this particular comment?

This one did not hurt my feelings.

Mostly because it was so wildly confident about things this person could not possibly know.

Apparently, I am an immature, smothering, narcissistic mother who is emotionally crippling my children.

The commenter also had opinions about my nose ring.

It was a lot.

And instead of getting into an internet argument, writing paragraphs defending myself, or trying to convince a stranger that they had misunderstood me…

I responded with a laughing emoji. 😂

That’s it.

Because one of the things I have learned, both online and in real life, is that you do not have to accept every invitation to defend yourself.

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Not Every Critic Deserves an Explanation

When someone criticizes your homeschooling, your parenting, your appearance, or the way you live your life, there can be a powerful urge to explain yourself.

To provide context.

To tell them the whole story.

To make sure they understand.

But the truth is that some people are not looking for understanding.

They are looking for a fight.

And those are two very different things.

I am always happy to have conversations with people who are genuinely curious. I love talking about homeschooling. I love discussing educational choices. I love hearing how other families approach parenting, learning, and life.

I don’t think my homeschool is the only way to homeschool.

I don’t think homeschooling is the right choice for every family.

And I certainly don’t think everyone needs to make the same decisions we do.

But there is a difference between curiosity and criticism for criticism’s sake.

You can usually feel the difference.

One person is asking, “Can you help me understand why you made that choice?”

Another person is saying, “I have already decided everything I need to know about you.”

Those conversations do not require the same response.

People Don’t Know the Full Story

One of the strangest things about sharing online is knowing that people see pieces of your life.

A video.

A photograph.

A Reel.

A few minutes of conversation.

And from those pieces, they sometimes assume they know the entire story.

But people don’t know the full story.

And I think it is important to remember that they don’t necessarily deserve the full story either.

I share a lot of our homeschool life online. I talk about our curriculum, our routines, our educational decisions, our challenges, and the things that work for our family.

But I don’t share everything.

My children have their own lives and their own privacy.

My family has things that belong to us.

I have experiences and relationships that do not exist for public consumption.

And that is okay.

Sharing part of your life does not mean you have signed a contract requiring you to provide strangers with every missing piece of information they need to understand you.

You are allowed to have boundaries.

Even when you are a content creator.

Even when you share your family online.

Even when someone thinks they need more information in order to properly judge you.

They don’t.

Why I Share Our Homeschool in the First Place

I have been homeschooling for ten years now.

And one of the reasons I started sharing our experience is because I couldn’t find someone who sounded like me.

I wanted to see families who were homeschooling differently.

Families who were making decisions as they went.

Families who didn’t necessarily fit into the neat little homeschool boxes I kept seeing online.

I wanted honesty.

I wanted reality.

I wanted to know what was working and what wasn’t.

I wanted to see people changing their minds.

Adjusting their plans.

Trying things.

Failing.

Trying something else.

So that is what I try to share.

Not because I think my homeschool is the blueprint.

Not because I think you should copy what we do.

But because sometimes seeing another family’s experience helps you understand your own.

Maybe you see something we are doing and think, “Oh, that could work for us.”

Great.

Maybe you see something we are doing and think, “Absolutely not. I would never do that.”

Also great.

Either way, you have learned something about what works for your family.

That is all I ever hope for.

My Homeschool Is a Collaborative Experience

One of the criticisms in the hateful comment was that I often say “we” when I talk about homeschooling.

And that made me laugh because anyone who has been around here for a while knows exactly why I say we.

Our homeschool is collaborative.

My children are not passive participants in something I am forcing them to do.

We make decisions together.

Their interests matter.

Their goals matter.

Their opinions matter.

As my children have gotten older, especially now that I have a high schooler, that collaboration has become even more important.

I am not trying to recreate school at home.

I am trying to build an education that serves the actual humans in my house.

That means there are conversations.

Changes.

Experiments.

Compromises.

Sometimes we try something and realize it is absolutely not working.

Then we change it.

Imagine that.

Revolutionary. 😂

How I Actually Handle Hateful Comments

My response to hateful comments is probably not going to be the right response for everyone.

Sometimes I delete them.

Sometimes I block people.

Sometimes I respond.

Sometimes I ignore them completely.

And occasionally, when the comment is particularly ridiculous, I laugh.

My biggest rule is that I don’t give strangers more energy than they deserve.

I am not going to spend an afternoon fighting with someone I have never met about my life.

Especially when they have already made up their mind about who I am.

You don’t know me in real life.

I don’t know you in real life.

We are probably not going to change each other’s minds in a YouTube comment section.

So why would I spend my limited energy trying?

I would rather use that energy on my family.

My friends.

My work.

My community.

Or honestly, literally anything else.

The Nose Ring Has a Story

One of my favorite parts of the comment was that the commenter specifically mentioned my nose ring.

Apparently, that was somehow additional evidence supporting their case against me.

And the funny thing is that they had absolutely no idea what that nose ring represents in my life.

When I was eighteen, I wanted to get my nose pierced.

Before I did, I went to donate blood.

I wasn’t able to donate blood that day, but I was able to register as a potential bone marrow donor.

A few years later, I got a call.

I was a match for a thirteen-year-old boy who needed a bone marrow transplant.

I was able to donate anonymously.

Years later, he was no longer anonymous to me.

And that experience became part of my life forever.

So when people ask me when I am finally going to get rid of my nose ring?

I laugh.

Because it isn’t just a nose ring.

It is a connection to a moment in my life that began with an eighteen-year-old version of me wanting to do something a little different.

A seemingly small choice led to something much bigger.

And that is why I think we should be careful about assuming we know what things mean to other people.

You can look at someone and see blue hair.

A nose ring.

A homeschool mom.

A family making choices you wouldn’t make.

But you do not know the stories underneath those things.

You do not know where people have been.

You do not know what led them to where they are.

And you do not know what one seemingly small decision might eventually become.

Be The Match: https://www.nmdp.org/

You Don’t Have to Defend Your Life

I think this is the part I really want other homeschool parents to hear.

You do not have to defend your entire life every time someone questions one decision.

You do not have to provide a PowerPoint presentation explaining why you homeschool.

You do not have to prove that your children are socialized.

You do not have to convince your aunt that they are learning enough.

You do not have to answer every stranger who asks why your kids aren’t in school during the day.

You can.

If you want to.

Sometimes those conversations are productive.

Sometimes they are important.

Sometimes someone is genuinely curious, and you have the opportunity to share something meaningful with them.

But you don’t have to.

Your life is not a debate assignment.

And knowing that has been incredibly freeing for me.

Be Bold. Be Weird. Live Your Life.

I am forty-two years old.

I have rainbow hair. Until the next hair color!

I have a nose ring.

I homeschool my children.

I make choices that are sometimes unconventional.

And I am genuinely okay with the fact that some people don’t understand me.

You do not have to be universally understood in order to be living a good life.

You do not have to make yourself smaller so that strangers can feel more comfortable.

You do not have to explain away every part of yourself that someone else finds inconvenient.

Be bold.

Be weird.

Change your hair.

Try something new.

Make the decision that makes sense for your family.

Change your mind when new information tells you to.

Let your life evolve.

And if someone shows up with an unkind opinion?

You get to decide what they deserve from you.

Maybe it is a thoughtful response.

Maybe it is a boundary.

Maybe it is nothing.

And maybe, occasionally…

It is just:

😂

Because life is bigger than a comment section.