I Don’t Want My Kids to Have a Normal Childhood

I don’t want my kids to have a normal childhood.

That sounds like a pretty bold thing to say, doesn’t it?

But after 10 years of homeschooling, I’m realizing that I’m not trying to recreate the childhood I had—or the childhood that society tells us our kids are supposed to have.

I’m trying to build a family life that gives my girls room to learn, explore, play, ask questions, and become the people they’re meant to be.

And I don’t think that’s the same thing as being better than anyone else.

It’s just about questioning the expectations that don’t fit our family.

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What Does “Normal” Actually Mean?

When I say I don’t want a normal childhood for my kids, I’m not saying I want them to be isolated from the world.

I’m not saying I want them to be perfect.

I’m not saying I want them to be the most accomplished children in every room.

I’m saying I don’t want to accept every expectation just because it’s familiar.

There are things that are considered normal that I don’t want for my family.

I don’t want my girls to grow up believing that motherhood means sacrificing absolutely everything for everyone else.

I don’t want them to grow up believing that dads are supposed to be absent, uninvolved, or incapable of knowing what’s happening in their own homes.

I don’t want them to grow up believing that the only way to be successful is to follow one specific educational path, take on student loan debt, and spend their lives trying to catch up.

I don’t want them to grow up believing that play is something you outgrow as soon as you’re old enough to be “serious.”

And I don’t want them to grow up believing that they have to make themselves smaller to fit into someone else’s expectations.

That’s not the childhood I’m trying to build.

Childhood Is Short

One of the things that has really changed my perspective is realizing how short childhood actually is.

It can feel very long on certain days.

But then you look up and realize that your oldest is approaching the end of her childhood.

My oldest is in 9th grade now. My younger daughter is in 5th grade. And I’m standing here in our 10th year of homeschooling, watching these girls grow into people who are going to have their own lives, their own choices, and their own paths.

That gives you a pretty wild perspective shift.

Because when you realize how little time you actually have with them, you start thinking differently about what you want to spend that time doing.

I don’t want to spend my energy trying to make our family fit into a version of normal that doesn’t feel right for us.

I want to spend it building something that does.

What I Want for My Girls

I want my girls to have opportunities.

I want them to have access to books, museums, art, history, and experiences that make them curious about the world.

I want them to have time to learn things that interest them.

I want them to have room to explore their own interests and discover what they’re capable of.

And I want them to know that they don’t have to follow every expectation just because it’s familiar.

That’s one of the things I love about homeschooling.

We have the flexibility to build an education that serves our learners.

We can make room for the things they’re interested in. We can adjust when something isn’t working. We can spend more time on something that matters to them.

And we can do it without having to fit every part of our lives into someone else’s schedule.

But I also want my girls to understand that having opportunities doesn’t mean being the center of the universe.

We have chores.

We have expectations.

We have consistency.

We have a bar that we expect them to reach and exceed.

I want them to know that they are valued, but so are other people.

I want them to be compassionate. I want them to be empathetic. I want them to think about others alongside themselves.

I don’t want them to grow up believing that the world owes them everything.

I want them to grow up knowing that they have the tools to go out into the world and do something meaningful with their lives.

 

A Family Life That Fits Us

One of the things I’m most proud of is that we genuinely like each other.

We choose to do things as a family because we enjoy being together.

We have a family-centered life, not a life where everyone is constantly going in separate directions.

And I know that’s not the norm for everyone.

But it’s something that works for us.

I’m also fortunate that I’m able to be physically present in our home during the day.

That allows my children to have the educational style that best serves them.

It allows them to have daytime activities and pursue interests that might be harder to fit into a more traditional schedule.

And it allows us to build a life that feels more intentional.

Not perfect.

Not easy.

But intentional.

Exceptional Doesn’t Mean Better

I know that the word “exceptional” can sound a little uncomfortable.

It can sound like I’m saying my kids are better than everyone else’s.

That’s not what I mean.

I want them to be exceptional in the sense that I want them to have the opportunity to become the people they’re capable of becoming.

I want them to know they can think for themselves.

I want them to know they can take risks.

I want them to know they can build a life that fits them.

And I want them to know that they have a safe place to land while they figure out who they are.

I don’t want them to be afraid to speak up when something matters to them.

I don’t want them to sit quietly in a corner of a room when the only thing that would make that space better is their voice.

I want them to know that their voice matters.

And I want them to know that other people’s voices matter, too.

The Gift of a Different Childhood

I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the freedom to question the expectations that don’t fit them.

Not because we want them to reject everything.

But because we want them to know they have choices.

We want them to know that they can build a life that fits them.

We want them to know that they don’t have to follow every expectation just because it’s familiar.

And we want them to know that they can take risks, try new things, and make mistakes without losing the love and support of their family.

That’s what I’m working toward.

A childhood that gives my girls room to learn, explore, play, ask questions, and become the people they’re meant to be.

A childhood that gives them opportunities, but also expectations.

A childhood that teaches them to think for themselves, but also to think about others.

A childhood that gives them the tools to go out into the world and do something meaningful with their lives.

And a childhood that reminds them that they always have a safe place to land.

I don’t want my kids to have a normal childhood.

I want them to have a childhood that fits them.

And honestly, I think that’s what most of us are trying to build when we question the things that don’t work for our families.

We’re not trying to be better than anyone else.

We’re just trying to make everyday magic.

What is one thing that’s accepted as “normal” that you’ve decided is just not for your family? I’d love to hear it in the comments.